


One of Us

by notenuffcaffeine



Series: The Fourth Wall [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: BAMF Lydia Martin, Fluff and Crack, Fourth Wall, Gen, Multi, Traumatized Scott, and other things, fight the twilight, the internet is for google!, the lydia and peter conspiracy, very bored peter, you knoooooow peter subscribes to rule 34
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2014-01-05
Packaged: 2018-01-07 15:51:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1121712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notenuffcaffeine/pseuds/notenuffcaffeine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What are you doing?"<br/>"What do you think I'm doing?" Peter replied.<br/>"Porn?" suggested Scott.<br/>"You're not actually wrong," said Peter, mildly surprised. "For once."<br/>To Scott's horror, and confusion, Lydia hurried over to the couch and sat down next to Peter.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>...aka that one where Peter Hale is basically Jeff Davis is Peter Hale...</p>
            </blockquote>





	One of Us

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, this is what happens when I'm bored on lunch hour. I have no other explanation.
> 
> ____________

The door opened and Peter looked back to do a visual check that the person breaking into his nephew's apartment had a right to do so. The right was arguable, but it was only Scott so Peter returned his attention to his computer screen.

"Normal custom is to knock first," he called out to the intruder.

"You so totally don't get to lecture me on consent issues," replied Scott. He wasn't concerned or put off at all and Peter shrugged. "Where's Derek?"

"Not sure. Let me check his calendar for you," said Peter, sounding bored. He carried on with what he was doing on the computer and the blessed quiet dragged on long enough that Scott caught on to Peter's sarcasm.

"He's not here then?" said Scott.

"Astute, McCall. Your grades must be improving this year?"

Peter could hear the eye-roll and grinned happily at his laptop screen.

"Come on, let's go," said Scott to his small, red headed shadow. Lydia pursed her lips and had to think about it. Then she shook her head.

"In a minute," she said. She moved toward Peter and the couch. "What are you doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing?" Peter replied.

"Porn?" suggested Scott.

"You're not actually wrong," said Peter, mildly surprised. "For once."

To Scott's horror, and confusion, Lydia hurried over to the couch and sat down next to Peter.

"What'd you find?" she asked the wolf.

"Lydia?!" yelped Scott.

"New stories," said Peter. "It's ridiculous. Give people just a few details and they've written epic odes in weeks. So amazing."

"Psh. Raise your standards old man," scoffed Lydia. "Quantity is not quality."

Peter huffed and shook his head. "Do you even realize how spoiled you sound? A snobby spoiled princess..."

"The word you're looking for is _Queen_ ," said Lydia. "I have discerning tastes and you are only allowed to promote the good stuff."

The werewolf was having none of her imperialism. "Please. I'll like what I like and you can't stop me. This whole thing is amazing. All these stories...

"Yeah, whatever, shut up. I'm reading."

"...since when are you two even on speaking terms?" asked Scott. The kid's brain was probably steaming trying to figure out the answer to his own question. Peter grinned and let him suffer. Lydia was too annoyed by distractions to allow it.

"Since we discovered that, despite his criminal, disturbing and frankly pedophelic proclivities,-

"Excuse me?" defended Peter mildly.

"-we have common interests."

Scott mentally tripped. " _Porn_?!"

"No, stupid," said Peter, annoyed.

" _Werewolves_ ," said Lydia. "And there's a few _million_ people out there who are totally on board with it."

Scott choked. "What?!"

"What?" asked Lydia, still distracted by her reading. "Werewolves aren't a new thing. You didn't invent them, Scott."

Peter grinned, smug for once on the point that particular werewolf was his fault. He sobered then and frowned over at Scott.  "And don't you dare mention _Twilight_."

Scott rolled his eyes.

"Peter is sensitive on the topic of sparkling vampires," said Lydia.

"Vampires aren't even real," scoffed Peter.

"I told you to shut up," Lydia reminded him. " _I'm_ telling him."

Scott looked about to blow a gasket. "Oh my god! What the _hell_ you guys!"

"In summary: To fight the Twilight, Derek's very bored Uncle Peter started writing stories about his favorite nephew-"

"Only nephew," added Scott.

Lydia shrugged. "Whatever. So there's these stories out there. And the entire Internet loves them and started writing their own."

"And they're genius," said Peter. "Every one of them."

"Almost everyone thinks Derek and Stiles are dating," said Lydia. "Which only proves those two are oblivious. They are now literally the only two who don't see it."

Scott stared at them, jaw dropped in blatant shock.

"Also, the Internet thinks you and Allison and Isaac should get it on in every way possible," said Peter, looking over his shoulder at Scott and highly amused by the young alpha's expression.

"What the hell did you do!" Scott's vocabulary tended to shrink when he was stressed. It did not bode well for his college exams.

"Simple. You kids are all idiots-"

"Well, really that's because _you're_ an idiot," Lydia pointed out mildly. Peter ignored her.

"So I thought I would hide you in plain sight. Post some pictures, write a few stories for details... You've got a prolific fan club in weeks. Now next time some arrogant Alpha pack looks up the amazing True Alpha from Beacon Hills, they're going to find about a gazillion stories on the Internet and figure it's all bullshit." His smug smile spread a little wider and he crossed his arms behind his head. "You're welcome."

Scott stared. He tilted his head as he considered it. "Damn. Really?"

"It's kind of genius," said Lydia. "And I hate that I just said that. You have _no_ idea."

Scott moved closer to read over Lydia's shoulder. He read a few lines.

"Wow. That... Shit, that sounds like Stiles."

Lydia nodded. Scott read a few more lines and his eyes bugged. "That doesn't sound like Stiles.

"Shut up, you don't know that," Lydia dismissed.

"I know my best friend!"

"You don't know him in bed," replied Lydia soberly. Scott's initial reaction was to run for the brain bleach but then he considered it and shrugged it off.

"Okay fine," he allowed. Peter nodded approvingly.

"She told you. It's genius. Everything is perfectly accurate," said Peter.

"Especially the stories where Uncle Peter is a pervy evil creeper," said Lydia. Completely missing the part where she was reading soft-porn starring her friends.

"No, these people just don't understand my life," said Peter, sour. Lydia rolled her eyes.

"So write yourself a better backstory," she said. "Not like anyone will buy it but you'll get your own fans. Like serial killers do."

Peter considered it. "I have a very under appreciated vision for my family. But I think they're dead on about Derek."  
Scott nodded, still reading the occasional word over Lydia's shoulder. "I can see it. I'm trying not to. But it tracks..."

Peter held up a hand and Lydia met it with her own fist, the two looking smug and bored and still perfectly in synch.

"He is one of us," said Lydia.

Peter nodded his agreement. "Yes, good."

 

***


End file.
